While Starbucks is simply a coffee place, some people just ruin it for the rest of us.
RELATED 15 Most Annoying Things People Do When They’re New To Starbucks
Michael Peckerar is a Content Associate for RantLifestyle.com. Follow him on Twitter @michaelpeckerar, “Like” him on Facebook or add him to your network on Google.
15. THE ULTRA-REGULAR
The Ultra-Regular Yelp
There’s apparently local rules in this Starbucks, and he’s gonna enforce them. His self-proclaimed VIP status also includes his own reserved table. He breaks in line because “Janet already knows what my order is.” He is a monkey turd and we all hate him.
14. “I’M DOING WORK BUT I’M REALLY NOT”
“I’m Doing Work But I’m Really Not” Twitter
They plunk down with their laptop and commence with the charade. Conveniently, their screen doesn’t face anyone and they aren’t typing much. This is because they want to look like they’re working but they’re actually on Facebook. You’re not writing your ebook, Trevor — you’re looking at tumblr.
13. TEENAGE GIRLS. LITERALLY. ALL. OF. THEM.
Teenage Girls. Literally. All. Of. Them. Pinterest
“Ehmehgehd Peyton, I lurrrve Starbucks sooo much!” “Ehhh I know, Sawyer. I come here like… a million times a day.” “Ehhhughh, I know… I’m here like a jillion times a day.” “Euuuuhh!”
It’s practice for when they rush Delta Zeta and everything is the best thing EVERRR!!!
12. THE INSTAGRAMMER
The Instagrammer Instagram
Yes, you went to Starbucks. Why does this warrant announcing it to the world? Not only that, but when you’re posing with your drink — we all know what you’re doing. And you need to cut it out.
11. THE NEWBIE WITH ABSOLUTELY NO CLUE HOW ANY OF THIS WORKS (AND AN ATTITUDE ABOUT IT)
The Newbie With Absolutely No Clue How Any Of This Works (And An Attitude About It) Pinterest
It breaks down like this: Moron walks into Starbucks, waits till he’s at the counter to even consider an order, can’t figure out the cup sizes, holds up the entire line, and then whines about it to anyone in earshot or on Facebook. He complains that Starbucks regulars are rude and pretentious when he’s the one who can’t figure out how to order coffee.
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10. CONDIMENT STATION HOG
Condiment Station Hog Yelp
Chad’s been drinking coffee since he was 14, yet somehow still needs six or seven rough drafts before the cream and sugar is all set up. Without fail, Chad also will use the last of the half and half. Every time. Every. Single. Time.
9. STARBUCKS HATER WHO IS SOMEHOW STILL INSIDE A STARBUCKS
Starbucks Hater Who Is Somehow Still Inside A Starbucks Pinterest
Yeah, yeah, yeah, you think you’re funny because you act curmudgeonly and rant about the menu and what not. It’s soooo funny that you make fun of Frappuccino as a word. Ha ha.
Hey, moron. If Starbucks is dumb, what are you doing in a Starbucks?
8. GOLD CARD HOLDERS
Gold Card Holders Flickr
A Gold Card does not grant you “Be A Tool” privileges. You don’t get to strut around like the cock of the walk and throw weight around. You get to have a Gold Card. A Gold Card does not mean you’re a better person — it means you go to Starbucks too much.
7. PEOPLE WHO ACTUALLY HOLD JOB INTERVIEWS — AT STARBUCKS
People Who Actually Hold Job Interviews — At Starbucks Twitter/illrecruit
If your job interview is being held at a Starbucks, Get out of there! Unless your “Objectives” section on your resume lists “Getting stuck in a pyramid scheme”, you need to run. We all are looking over at you wondering how bad your life has gotten that you’re applying for a job that interviews at Starbucks.
6. PEOPLE WHO SIT AT TABLES WITH PLUGS WHO AREN’T CHARGING ANYTHING AND REFUSE TO MOVE
People Who Sit At Tables With Plugs Who Aren’t Charging Anything And Refuse To Move Flickr
There’s maybe six power outlets in the place, only one has an open plug, your iPhone is at 5%, and this dung beetle refuses to switch seats. He also won’t move so you can plug in, and has committed himself to generally being a buttwad about the whole thing.
5. CAPTAIN COSTS TOO MUCH
Captain Costs Too Much Yelp
Sure, Starbucks can be a little pricey sometimes — but a lot of us think it’s good. We also think it’s worth it. We also really don’t care if you think it’s expensive or not, so maybe keep that to yourself and not announce it at top volume. You’re basically calling everyone else snobby, and that’s a jerk move. You want it cheap? McDonalds is around the corner.
4. SPELL CHECK WARRIORS
Spell Check Warriors Pinterest
If you think you’re the only person who has ever had their name misspelled on a Starbucks cup, you’re an idiot. It happens, and honestly at this point — they’re doing it on purpose. It’s become a thing and you’re just helping. There is a 100% chance you will get over it and be just fine.
3. THE GIRL WHO JUST “DISCOVERED” THE “SECRET MENU”
The Girl Who Just “Discovered” The “Secret Menu” Pinterest
It’s not a secret menu, it’s a collection of recipes that some baristas don’t mind making for you. A true secret menu would have booze and foie gras on it. Yet there’s always that one 20-something who just saw a Twix Frappuccino on Pinterest and decided that means she’s part of the Starbucks Branch of the NSA.
2. STUDY GROUPS
Study Groups Pinterest
Not only will they be there for the next three or four hours, but they’re going to take up no less than seven power outlets. On top of that, you’re going to have to listen to their insipid chatter about professors and dorm parking. We all are silently praying you get an F on your stupid project.
1. THE FOLKS WHO THINK THIS IS A PHONE BOOTH OR SOMETHING
The Folks Who Think This Is A Phone Booth Or Something YouTube
You talk on your phone in line, you stay on it while you’re giving the barista your order (which is rude), and you sit at your table talking loudly on it. Oddly, it’s never about anything important. We’re going to eavesdrop and you can’t get mad that we’re listening to a private conversation. Your private is invading our public.